Erin’s Mixed Musings

Hi guys,

We are still here in good old Arizona (almost two years now,) and have been in our new house for about three weeks now. 

I will now (hopefully not too slowly) be learning the groove and tricks of blogging, and hope that you guys don’t mind some guinea pig action.  It has been so long since I have posted, I don’t remember anything.  I am not sure what all to write on these, you all make it look so easy.

After a long dry spell, the foundation may be coming back to life.  I am starting with a blog - Uncle Kay and I will work it out (he is so generous,) and if that works out consistently, then we will go public from there.  There is so much to do that I am overwhealmed.  Hopefully not dangerously, because there is so much good that can come out of this. 

There is no shortage of people who want to help, but I have to be able to wrap my mind around some of the fundamentals.  So I will blog them out, I thought that would be a good idea.

So lets blog on.

I got a chance to visit Eileen, Suzie, Phil, and Alison (as well as a very sadly shaven Sassy-cat). I loved the brief time that we had. Our family only had five days to be there including travel two 11 hour days travel time - Wed-Sun - so really Thurs - Sat. I was very torn because there are just so many Longakers that have to be visited. Even Alison has more contact with my old best friend Maren because she bumps into her husband between trips. I miss my family and was torn the whole time, but I did make the choice to stay with my family and make the rounds. Short and sweet one after another. Mom even got ‘more time’ than anyone else on the rounds, but it didn’t feel like it.

Mom came down to be with me during the Fourth of July to help me chose an apartment and I felt like we had really made great strides toward friendship and respect and I hope that some of that wasn’t lost when we had to go boom, boom, boom.

I was so impressed with the ways that mom is finding to express her talents. I have always admired her projects growing up, like upholstering furniture, stained glass, macromee (?), sewing…. now, the photography, kayaking, travel…At least this was how it seemed to me. It seemed that Mom was finally finding joy and fulfilment and I am happy for her. I wish I could see her photo shows. I was so grateful when I learned that Mom had visited Emma’s grave last Memorial Day. (We had detoured on the way up so we could see it.) Things like this are always subtle reminders that I don’t know much about what makes my mom tick and any assumption that I do make are rather limited and perhaps insulting. Here’s to you mom, I love you. Erin

Ever think that you are getting away with something that other people take seriously and even obsessively? I think I inherited Larry’s love of the dentist and neglected formal visits for several years. The result: a root canal this past Monday, and if the penicillin doesn’t work, there may be another this Mnoday. MMMMHHH great - I’ve lost a solid five pounds living on tapioca pudding, and you bet I brush and have a good hygiene schedule with my dentist. Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it isn’t fomenting. Many morals in this story, grasshopper.

We bought a ’shrubbery’ (insert your favorite Montey Pithon impressions here…) to act as our apartment-sized christmas tree. It is a really cute live mini Christmas tree in a pot that we have on one of our coffee tables. Adam has just about excised my Ebenezer Scrooge - ed ness and while I still hate Christmas music, the wonder viewed through the kids eyes is incredible.

I was just called to be a ward missionary again - the again being that was my calling in previous ward when I also taught gospel principles. Adam is Boy Scouts Cub Master - still struggling trying to find his ’sea legs’ with that one. At least I am lucky. The ward missionary program is really unique and effective, kind of an elite group of people that I had already had great respect for but didn’t know they were ward missionaries so I am excited to be in with people that I can learn so much from.

The house in Iowa still hasn’t sold, so we are resolved to rent for the foreseeable future as we have now lost all of our equity in the house. According to the real estate agent, the market should pick up after Xmas. We are praying and fasting - and so is she - the agent is in another ward - the house gets shown several times a week, so it is out there, we just have to get it done.

Sam is in a Christmas program on Tuesday where he is an elf - and is excited about it - amazing - not yet ten so the sense of wonder is still there without any self consciousness. Becky just learned to ride a bike - kind of late - but got it in 20 minutes because we had waited so long - it just never got done. She loves going on a ride 3-4 times a day and uses it as a great method of emotional bleed-off.

Weelll, that is a quick update of us here in the gorgeous 70 degree afternoon weather. pitty us, pitty us.

I just got an email from a professor of graphic arts at a school in MI. He wants to try his hand at some of the conundrums that have bogged me down. I am excited to work with someone with a different perspective. It has been several months since I have made any personal progress on BipolarNOW and that tends to stall work on all fronts. This professor found us on Idealist.org and out of the blue wanted to play. There is so much work that is going on behind the scenes, I hope that he can help us bring it out of the closet - so to say.

Things like this give me such a morale boost that keeps me going. Mom made most of this financially possible until we get our donation status formalized, and I’ve had over 80 people apply to work on our projects. Lots of good input, need more on the organized front. But I am learning - like never use another bipolar person in key roles - and everything has been so incredible, the past year has flown by - BipolarNOW is just past its first anniversary mark - holy cow!

This is what I get to do while everyone else is at school and work & feel really lucky to be a ‘kept woman’ - being a non-profit is just that! Anyway, just rambling on the bpnow front. From all accounts there isn’t much bipolar on the Smith line - I am glad for that. I will take my little manic self off to spend some awful, icky, hard-time in the pool

The light at the end of this tunnel may not just be a train this time.  I got lost on AZ freeways today after I dropped everybody off.  I couldn’t find the Saturn dealership to service my car, and ended up at a Jiffy Lube - convenient location as I had just forgotten my cell phone across the street while faxing at Office Max.  A breathless birkenstock-wearing run accross four lanes of traffic and I was saved (until learning Jiffy Lube didn’t take out of state checks).  After more fruitless miles I finally found the Home Depot that Mom and I ran into on our house-hunting visit over Labor Day. 

The first week we were here (going on three weeks now,) I found a Lowes and got a nice selection of flowers to pot and bring hope to my apartment life.  It took them 2 1/2 weeks to officially die.  Guess it isn’t a good idea to plant while it is still 100+ degrees outside.  Now that we are finally in the low 90’s, upper 80’s I have tried again.  Amazingly while in a manic state, I didn’t go too far overboard and think I may have a good mix this time.  I miss the green and joy of my wildflower garden in Cedar Rapids - pretty much the only thing I miss about Iowa - and my plant therapy was swell.  No Jaelene Feng Shue (spelling sucks,) but it is more along the lines of my bohemian years in CA (minus the lettuce and celery).

I know my whole family misses things that are known, so we are human after all.  I am really blessed with my family and gifts that we each have.  And I hope that my flowers grow - kind of feels personal, like if they flourish, there is hope for me after all.  Kind of a less effective predicate as I have the skills but not the AZ knowledge of growth.  But flowers do rock.  I have hope.

“This is the true joy in life - the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mightly one; being thouroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clog of ailments and grievences complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.”  George Bernard Shaw

Better introduce ourselves: I am Eileen’s daughter (maiden name Gilbert) and feel very privileged to play on the Smith blog.

Adam is my ever-loving, patient, brilliant, electrical engineer. He was a rocket scientist on military applications up until he was recruited away from Rockwell Collins in Cedar Rapids, IA, to this job with Comtech EF Solutions in Tempe, AZ. Now he does similiar work on the commercial side but with satellite modems. (He started work on Sept 18. That tells you how long we have been here!)

Sam is a way cool, intellingent, 9 year old fourth grader, who loves Star Wars, online Guild Wars, Lord of the Rings, and Legos. Becky just turned 8 and was baptised in August. She is a gregarious, beautiful, intelligent, third grader, who loves anything to do with poetry, crafting, and/or HGTV.

I get to be a ‘kept woman’ as a ‘homemaker’ and get to stay home, do volunteer work at school, church, and in the community. Best of all, I get to work on the nonprofit that I started about a year ago, BipolarNOW. Lots on that in future times. Suffice it to say there is tons of work to do. Adam never believes it when I say I don’t get bored being home alone all day when the kids are in school!

So that is a thumb-nail view. I look forward to reading all of your blogs and getting involved with the family again.

Erin

Creating a category for family pictures is a very optimistic gesture on my part.  I still need to learn how to do this.  When I get to that point, we will start getting those up.